How our cats broke a $19 floor lamp and we wasted a whole weekend

On second thoughts, I don't think I can bare to recount everything that happened this weekend. The short story is that J & I:

• Woke up on Saturday to a 'crash' that turned out to be the cats knocking over a cheap but useful uplight floor lamp. Not only was the shade broken, but the light fitting no longer worked.
  
• Went to Bunnings (giant warehouse hardware store) and chose two new lamps that combined an upright and reading lamp on each (1 1/2 hours)
  
• Set them up (1/2 hour)
• Noticed we had bought the wrong light bulbs from Bunnings for the upright part.
• Decided to use bulbs from the kitchen light fitting (that were the right wattage)
  
• Noticed a strange burning smell (five minutes after turning on the lights)
  
• Heard a load pop
• Quickly turned off the lamps. Unscrewed a bulb and discovered it was burnt and melted at the base.
• Later we discovered that the reading lamp lights on both lamps no longer worked.
  

Sunday

• 10.30am:Went back to Bunnings and showed a skeptical staff member evidence of why we were returning the lamps.
• Waited 10 minutes while someone from the electrical department was called to inspect the burnt bulb and fitting.
• Had our claim approved
• Waited 20 minutes in a queue to return the lamps
• By this stage the girl processing the claims had forgotten it was already approved. Waited another 10 minutes while she verified it.
• Told the girl we also wanted to return the light bulbs. Girl takes three attempts to refund the final $11 onto my credit card.
• J tells me it is too early to buy a sausage from the scouts who have set up a stand outside the store.
• 12 noon. Drive to Nunawading. Visit Harvey Norman (department store). Spend half-an-hour wandering around and dragging J out of the computer section.
  
• Visit three different lighting stores that want to charge us between $135 and $450 for a floor lamp.
• Visit Officeworks to use the toilet. Lose J in Officeworks. Find him 20 minutes later buying DVD discs.
• Decide to visit Bunnings Nunawading. Spend 40 minutes looking at poor quality lights and deciding not to buy anything.
  
• J won't let me buy a sausage from the scouts here either.
• 2.40pm: Home for a quick lunch. I look online and find the perfect lamp combing an upright and reading lamp for only $29 in the Ikea catalogue. The computer claims it is available at Ikea Richmond.
• 3.30pm: Drive to Richmond. Spend 20 minutes trying to find a park in the worst-ever designed carpark that is in serious need of a traffic engineer or at least some staff directing traffic.
• Walk around the rat maze that is Ikea trying not to get distracted by the soft toys and kitchenware. Discover our perfect lamp. Also notice that an exact replica of the broken lamp is available for just $19.
• Decide to buy perfect lamp. Jeff collects matching light bulbs. Suspicious empty pallet next to display lamp suggests that the perfect lamp is sold out.
• Spend 20 minutes finding and waiting for customer service who confirm perfect lamp is sold out.
• J & I look at each other and concede defeat. Go back to the $19 lamp that is a replica of the broken lamp. Buy it and spend 15 minutes getting out of the carpark.
• 5pm. Get home. J sets up new lamp and retreats to his room to play World of Warcraft.